I’m turning 35, if you're in your 20s or 30s, read this
Lessons for my past self
When I was 30, I told myself I’d know what to do by the time I turned 35.
I thought I have answers about big decisions — like whether I want kids, where I want to live, and what kind of life I want to build. And in some ways, I do.
But what I’ve learned since then goes far beyond those answers.
What changed is how I think, and how move through life.
I am sharing some kind of personal philosophy that could actually guide you through your 20s and 30s, no matter where you are or what you’re figuring out.
A word of caution: These are no easy fix answers or tips or tricks. Everyone has those. I want to share some deep insights on how to live a better life, how to navigate and feel less alone.
So think of me as a voice from your future.
Not to tell you what to do, but to help you walk your own path and feel a little less alone.
Btw: I’m building a launchpad for solo service providers, if you want free access and give me feedback, reach out to me.
PART 1: Inner Game
You’ll move through different phases — and that’s okay
There are moments when I feel super obsessed with something — and I can work more per day than most people. I’m in deep. I don’t question it.
And then there are moments where I feel lost as fuck and I’m totally unmotivated. Nothing that I do moves the needle.
Embrace all of these phases. Obsession is a gift. Ride it while it’s there.
But when I’m lost, I need a fallback. I need something that keeps me going. A minimum viable effort.
For me, it’s things like my daily writing habit. Or a rhythm of posting a certain number of times per week. These are the things that keep me anchored when I’m drifting.
This matters most when you’re an entrepreneur, when you’re building your own thing and no one’s telling you what to do. You need to create your own structure, your own rules, your own baseline. Otherwise, the lost phases will knock you out.
The gap of taste
A reason why creative people like you and me are frustrated in life is because we have good taste.
Yes, you have good taste and it can be a problem. Let me explain.
You know what great looks like.
You can see the kind of work you want to create.
But in the beginning, your skills don’t match what you see in front of your inner eye.
So you get frustrated, tired, depressed.
And quit. Before you close the gap.
You think you need to put more hours into developing a taste.
You think you need more inspiration.
We watch videos.
We scroll Pinterest.
We study others.
It’s a trap.
You don’t lack taste.
You lack output.
You need to do more work.
Keep going until your skills catch up with your taste.
Here’s the catch though: your taste will also change.
So the gap will open up again.
Be careful with advice
This seems weird, because, well, I give advice.
Take it apart. Dissect it. Try to apply it to your own situation.
Most of the time, advice is someone sharing what worked for them. And that’s fine. It’s useful. We should share what helped us. But the problem is — it creates this illusion that someone else’s blueprint will work perfectly for you. That if you just follow their steps and it doesn’t work, then something must be wrong with you.
But that’s not true.
You have a different situation.
You have a different nervous system.
Different problems.
Different strengths.
A different way of processing the world.
Every piece of advice you hear — including mine — comes with bias. It’s built from someone else’s life, their mind, their values. And even if it contains truth, if you can’t adapt it to your reality, it’s not going to help you.
So yeah — take advice. Use it. But break it down first.
Make sure it fits your brain.
Make sure it fits your life.
PART 2: Outer Game
Develop a sense of agency
Learn what it means to have agency. That means being aware that there are problems around you — and becoming competent in solving those problems for other people.
That’s how you grow as a person.
You learn how to learn.
You expand your mind.
You take on harder and harder problems.
And this is also how you make a living as an entrepreneur.
That’s what high agency really is.
It means being able to spot problems.
Having the confidence that you can solve them.
And being committed to learn whatever it takes in order to solve them.
It means being able to take the risk to pursue a solution — even if it’s hard, even if it’s uncertain.
Because it is always risky to go down that road.
That’s why many people don’t do it.
But high agency people are willing.
They’re confident that at some point, they’ll spot a problem they can solve — and they trust that they’ll be able to figure it out.
That’s where satisfaction comes from.
That’s where value is created.
And that’s how you make money too — by being willing to take the risk of solving real problems.
Watch out for your own self-deception
Be aware of your own biases and self-deception. It’s one of the most powerful forces in your life, and you’ll never fully get rid of it.
If you’re already doing personal development or spiritual work, one thing that usually happens is this: you start spotting the faults in other people really fast. You develop this ability to see through their patterns, their bullshit. And that can make you feel smart.
But what often doesn’t happen — or doesn’t happen deeply enough — is turning that same level of scrutiny back on yourself.
You might start seeing your own patterns on the surface, especially if you’re honest. But don’t underestimate how deep your self-deception goes.
It keeps going.
It’ll keep finding ways to make you believe that you’re a better person than others. That you’ve figured something out they haven’t.
And that’s a trap, because the moment you think you’re better, you stop growing.
Beware, thought: You will not get rid of all biases just yet, because it’s lifelong process.
Keep questioning.
Question your beliefs.
Question the opinions you have about yourself.
Question the way you judge others, and ask why you do it.
Keep refining.
Because the moment you stop questioning, you’re not awake — you’re just trapped in a smarter illusion.
Leave your country — detach from your programming
For me, one of the most important things was leaving my country. Not just to see new things, but to actually detach from all the paradigms and expectations I grew up with.
Every time I left, I lost touch with what people back home thought was “normal.” I stopped hearing that constant noise about what’s right and wrong, what you’re supposed to do with your life. And that opened up space to hear my own thoughts again.
When I moved to Bali, for example, I started doing videos and content creation — something I always wanted to do. But back home, I felt awkward about it. Like people would look down on you for being too active on social media. It just wasn’t something people did in my environment.
That’s the thing.
You don’t even realize how much you’re being steered by the people around you — your parents, your peers, your colleagues. It’s subtle. But it’s everywhere.
Travel isn’t just about discovering the world.
It’s about discovering the information you already have inside you.
It’s a way to disconnect from the rules you didn’t choose — and start living by the ones you actually believe in.
So don’t just travel to consume or escape.
Travel to unlearn.
Travel to reset.
PART 3: Big Picture
Learn how to think, not just what to think
This lesson is about learning how to think.
It’s really useful to work with mental models, concepts, and to write down ideas — your own ideas, other people’s ideas — and then try to synthesize them into your own perspective. That’s one of the most valuable forms of thinking.
For me, what it all boils down to is learning how to write.
Writing helps you think properly
It’s the tool that allows you to actually acknowledge ideas as a thing — and to work with them.
Before I started writing, I had a very vague idea of what an “idea” even was. But now I see it more clearly:
An idea can be a concept, an insight, a perspective, a hypothesis, a tip or trick, a guide — anything that you can share.
And writing helps you understand this.
Writing makes you more aware of your own thinking.
While you’re doing this, you start to see the value of models, frameworks, and mental shortcuts. These things help you think more clearly. They help you move faster, be more efficient, and reach your goals with less confusion.
And that’s great. To a point.
You also need to be aware that mental models have limits.
They’re always an attempt to describe just a fraction of reality.
They can never capture the whole thing.
They’re useful for a certain angle, but they can also become rigid.
They might not apply to every person, every moment, or every problem.
One example for me is the Enneagram.
I studied it in my twenties and loved it.
It helped me understand myself and others.
It taught me to hold different perspectives, and reminded me that not everyone thinks or feels the same way I do.
And I still use that knowledge today.
But I’m also more aware now that the Enneagram is just one lens.
And sometimes I need something else and just sit in front of a human being and feel them.
To be present with them.
To experience who they are right now, with me.
To be aware of how I feel in that interaction.
So yes, use mental models.
But don’t become attached to them.
Hold different perspectives
As you move through life, you’ll hear advice that sounds contradictory.
You’ll hear “follow your passion” — and you’ll also hear “follow the money.”
You’ll hear that wanting to make money isn’t spiritual — and then you’ll meet someone who builds something beautiful, makes a living from it, and is deeply spiritual.
These contradictions are everywhere.
And if you’re not able to hold multiple perspectives at the same time, you’ll get stuck.
You’ll try to force them into one framework, one answer, one truth.
But that’s not how life works.
The more you resist that, the more confused and frustrated you’ll feel.
Because all advice, all frameworks, all opinions — they’re just fractions of reality. They’re lenses.
They can help in certain situations, but they’ll never show the whole thing.
So don’t treat any one of them as absolute.
You can create a reality where passion and money live side by side.
If you’ve spent time learning about human psychology, your own biases, different worldviews, strategies, and the ways people live or do business — you’ve probably already run into this.
You’ll see that life is full of paradoxes.
And they’re all valid in some context.
The more you try to ignore that — the more you try to force one worldview to dominate — the more stuck you’ll feel.
It’s like trying to see life through one lens.
Let’s talk once more about why this is so deeply practical.
On one hand, you’ll be able to take other people’s perspectives more easily — and that alone is valuable.
Because when you can do that, you just see more of reality.
You have access to different kinds of truth.
And that gives you a richer experience in life.
But it gets even more practical than that.
You’ll have better relationships.
You’ll be able to build a more diverse set of friendships — because you’ll be able to see and understand different ways of being, and still accept people.
It’ll keep your mind open. It’ll keep you learning.
And it’ll help you build more meaningful connections — personally, emotionally, socially.
And if you’re an entrepreneur, if you’re building something, this might be one of the most powerful skills you can develop.
Because if you’re able to hold several perspectives, you’re able to create unique solutions for specific groups of people.
You can merge different ways of thinking into something no one else has quite done before.
That’s beyond just being empathetic “on paper.”
That’s not just about identifying pain points.
That’s about actually being able to take on perspectives — even if they contradict your own worldview for now.
And when you can do that — you can create real value.
In your work.
In your life.
And in the way you relate to the world.
Remember: Feeling lost is a feature not a bug
PS: I’m building a launchpad for solo service providers, if you want free access and give me feedback, reach out to me.